Fear

I came across a journal prompt the other day titled "I'm Afraid Of...".  I can't remember now where I found it, but I thought it would be a good thing to use some day.

When I was in high school, I took JROTC. In this class, one of the things we would do is rappel off the side of the school auditorium.  I was looking forward to my first try with great excitement.  I love heights and the thought of going down the side of the wall was thrilling.  After tying on our Swiss seats, we climbed up the stairs to the platform that would take us to the top of the building.  When we got there, it was time to give it a try.  After the kids who had been in the program for awhile had gone, it was time for the newbies.  Most of the people were scared and didn't want to go first.   So I stepped up.

After being attached to the rope, the instructor hollered down to the belay-man to get ready and I climbed over the wall edge.  Time to start down.

At first, everything went smoothly.  I was going down slowly, but steadily.  Suddenly, I stopped.  Not sure why, I checked the rope.  My shirt was stuck!  Well, crap.  I tried to pull it free so I could get down.  It wouldn't release.  I was starting to get a bit nervous now and I kept trying.  No such luck.  The instructor finally told me to hold on, he would come down and cut me loose.  Being a high school girl, that was a highly embarrassing proposition.  All I could envision was my shirt being cut off of me and being exposed for the whole school to see.  I renewed my efforts frantically.  Finally, it came loose! 

I made my way to the bottom of the rope as fast as I thought I could.  Shaking and crying, I got both the rope and the seat off of me.  There was no way I was doing that again today!

I have since tried rappelling again a few times and I can't do it.  My hands get shaky and my palms start sweating.  I get nauseous and dizzy.  It just isn't going to happen.